Haiz...
things happen in a blink of an eye....

i wonder, what had he been talking behind my back...
here i am, believing that it's really because of FATE that we are not meant to be...
pushing away all the negative remarks from friends coz they care and want me to move on fast (coz i always tell them, he's a nice guy)...

Really picking up and moving on in my own way,
ader jek benda2 yg pop out....

To anonymous:
thnx for the info, (tink i figured out who u are)
it's not only you being curious bout the whole thing, me too...
and i noe, everyone was shocked to noe the news too...

and the best part now, what he told me was totally a different one as wat he mentioned to you,
maybe, like how we noe him and like wat you said, " thus, i believe jas made up this **** just to not take the blame."
but watever the reason is, i don't think putting me as the blame instead, is being fair...
but if it were to be true, i'm clearing my name now, i'm not that kind.

and i think i owe you(Mr Anonymous) an apology as i'm so pissed yesterday, and ya, it get the best of me (haha! i got no time ah to watch over you, my bad).
And seriously, don't think it's necessary for congratulating me, being "...done with..." just because i reacted that way(yesterday),think that is so shallow of you, i noe you're much wiser than that, much much wiser...

It's sad,
how if YOU, were to be in my shoes?
clueless bout anything and everything but yet accepting it sincerely,
and only to find out later that you've been bad-mouthed??

i'm not condemning anyone here,
if he noes me well, he shud noes that once i'm done with it, i wont hold grudges against it...
so this is the only way...... to blog it out. (coz i dont want to hold any grudges against him or anyone)

it would be such a SHAME,
coz i've always told my friends off everytime they try to discriminate you(Mr J)...

Is this my retribution for loving you this much??

I'm WATCHING YOU........
(this is not a gimmick)


Your IP Address: 218.186.13.231
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ISP Provider: StarHub Cable Vision Ltd

ANONYMOUS???

kk....
well, in the first place, who is diz anonymous fella??
dtg tak dijemput, aleh2 jek nak shoot...

Hmm...
well, if really he say dat to you....
i'm amazed, coz i noe him, he will only tell diz kind of shit to dose he really close and trust..

And he shud be dissapointed to find out that u, Mr/Ms Anonymous be telling me all this taik...

And if he were to really believe this, and strengthened this up with, ".... God and Faith had show me, that we are not belong together, and it's really a big thing Ainul, a tight slap for me, and we really have to go our separate ways......" than i'm truly devastatedly dissapointed in him...

In the first place, i got no time ah nak masak nasi for him...
HELLO!!
u can ask him, all da time, we ate outside, especially pizza hut(his favourite)...
if da reason for him to break our relationship becoz of this bullshit, than i think i'm thankful that i'm now off with him, coz i think i can't live with a person who keep on believing in this kind of "tahyul". Coz wat he told me oso, dat his previous gf (u shud now who la ehk Mr J) might be using this kinda stuff on him too, coz he cant seem to forget bout her...

HELLO!!!!
get a life!!!
dat's LOVE!!!
doesnt he noes wat love is, u can juz do stupid things for the one you love, u can sacrifice anything for that one you love....
and u go crazy without the one you love!!

Believe dat!!
dat's LOVE!!
TRUE LOVE do exist...!!!

anyway, it's not that i didnt believe that "nasi kangkang", "minyak senyonyong", "rendam sluar dalam" this all exist, it's just that, wat is dat all for??
Aper gunanye, Cinta sejati tu kan lagi mulia nilainyer....
it's PRICELESS!!
I think he's stoopid if it's really this are the reason for our break-up...

And if this going to be any further,
i will make it BIG...
SERIOUSLY....
mark my words.....
don't u dare me.....

So what if i'm coping better than him now...
i'm moving on, like what he want me to...
he shud be proud of me rather than thinking that i'm getting "help" frm u noe wat...
cekalkn hati kuat kn iman ah, ikan bukan seekor, he was the one who ask for the break-up,
org dah tak nak, takkn aku nak terheggeh2 pat die kn, ngan parent2 die skali pulaukn aku..
please ah nie, u don't noe me yet....


Sesungguhnya Allah itu maha berkuasa & maha mengetahui...
Amin..

Labels: Anonymous bitch, black magic, tahyul

I think i shall stop blogging bout him...
The more i blog bout him, the more i hate him (or maybe i'm just trying to hate him),
the more i misses him...
that's not wat i planned...
i'm moving on....
(well, if it's true that he started dating, why shudn't i.. haha)

As wat i strongly believe..... i believe he is a nice guy...
A guy who noes wat he's doing...
but what i can't accept is, y must he not tell ppl bout the real thing..
y must he put up a strong front everytime shit happens...??
doesnt he noes dat he's a normal human being too?
(stop thinking that u some kind of superhuman k, u will fall one day too, sooner or later, and it's nothing wrong to let it out...)
does his friends thinks i'm da bad one? or he's da bad one??
coz i dun think anyone of us is at fault...

Well,
i'm tired....
Waiting for my answers....
i think da best way now,
to let this matter rest in peace till the time comes to unravel the best of it...

As for now,
i'm living my life to the fullest....
Thank you for the experience, the love, the bittersweet memories that we had....
i'm really honoured, to have that one lifetime experience, to be shared with you..
(count the gifts that u had give me... think that proves it alls.... thank you, Mr J)

Now...
i realise, i can become more me without him, more outspoken coz i dun need to think wat will he think bout me, and this is sumthing good, a catalyst for me to move on, an enthusiasm to spur me on, and i have to move fast as not to lost this momentem, coz the heart's pounding real fast, excited for the change within......

Labels: a new me, lifetime experience

Tidak ku nafikan hati ini masih berdenyut untuk mu....
tapi aku harus kuat, kuat & berani menerima kenyataan yang sebenar & meneruskan kehidupan..

Kau tetap didalam ingatan ku sayang....

Things were still unstable....

but lucky thing, i have a strong passion for singing....
Well, at least, sumthing to sidetrack me off...
Hell loads of competition coming up!!
Malay Idol, Arca Gemilang, Stardust!!
and waiting for Singapore Idol 2009!!!!
(yes ah!!)

Busu wedding date is getting nearer....
(labour day)

And i found out Rina (my ite frenz) getthing married in May too.... (31st May)

Haizz....

CONGRATULATiONS ppl!!

I'm so envying you guys... Hope mine will come soon... Amin...

Think of the brighter side..
My b'day is exactly one month from now!!!!

Whoah!!!!

celebrate it at zouk ya!! ;)

Labels: my b'days, singing competitions, weddings

10+ days of Break-up..

It's been exactly 10+ days of separation....
Well, i'm doing fine.... (i guess)
but da feeling of unsatisfaction is piling up day by day...
And it's kinda becoming a burden now...

FUCKED!!

i just can't shoo the tots that HE asked for the break-up via phone and da fact that he wanted to MIA in da first place!!!!!

saw him online in MSN yesterday,
with his pm=" ...........the trip was gd but sumthing cock up yada2..."
was he trying to tell me that he's fine??
y can't he just tag me and chat online?? didnt he noe dat, wheather i'm busy or not, my status in MSN is always put on busy??
Or he expecting me to tag him first??

FYi: i will not contact you in any form unless you do, i'm doing fine actually with us being frens, but when YOU are the one who started the shit first,(not replying to my txt msges), i'm truly dissapointed with you, i think is atrociously RUDE...
It's either you cant bear to talk to me, u wanted to forget about me, watever the reason is, i'm truly dissapointed with you....
Something tells me, it's not totally bout your parents.... (watever!)

seriously now, i'm in total mess...
agitated, irritated, frustrated, confused and all that related...

Sometime i wonder,
Can't friends go through their pains together??

U ever mention,
friends comes and goes into your life...
Boyfriend is your future husband where you shud trust and respect and vice versa...

Well, i think, i'm bloody stupid to belief that.


and this still linger in my bloody head:
" WHY CAN'T HE BREAK THE NEWS IN FRONT OF MY BLOODY FUCKING FACE??
COWARD!! "DAYUS"!!!"

and he told me not to hate him, not to forget him...
and now.... ironical rite??


i really hope HE can enlightened me with some answers asap....
coz i dun think i can tolerate this kind of nonsence any longer....


does he actually planned all this to happen in the first place??!!
GOD i'm becoming insane...!!!!!!!

Labels: 10+ days of Break-up..

Hmmm...

Like almost one week after the break-ups,
(i'm getting over it thou.. kinda strong rite 1wk jek.. I'm surprised too!!)

Think like on the tuesday or wednesday,
i'm being informed that 'HE' started dating already...

WHOAH!!!
i'm superly impressed...
dat's damn bloody fast...
i always tot he will suffer more then me, coz he noes da problem which i don't..
or at least a month.....
HELL YEA!!!

BRAVO!! APPLAUSE!!!

u noe wat, i'm kinda having DOUBTS on u now...

and to think that u didnt event rply to my msg, dat is so ungentleman... i think it's a form of courtesy to reply back...
Ouh, in da first place, u're not a gentleman afterall... Oops!!


I'm sorry to say this,
but i'm not surprised that u had already noe dat girl way before the break-up..
i duno.. i noe dat u wont do dat kinda shit, but i'm seriously confused, which i dun think i nid to,at all...

and i remembered the sms that u gave,
"It's soo hard... Everything is like falling apart... I cannot take it.. I'm so scared to tell you my problems bcos i'm scared dat u will hate me..."

and till now, i'm actually wondering if dat got to do wif the break-up..

seriously if you can explain to me asap would be better...

coz now i looked LOWLY at you, i used to respect you soo much, u shud noe dat, i put u first on my list, i put aside my girls, my family, my life, and i just love giving you stuffs which i'm afford to and to get this shit...
- a promise which is undelivered..
- my fear of you MIA'ing came true..
- and you not able to be a MAN to face me and tell me right in my face that u want
the break-up!! and wif no explanations... (THIS is THE BIGGEST ISSUE!!)

If you think by running away could solve ur problem, i don't think so...
I hope you'll regret wat u've done...
and i PROMISE,
i'm not one of ur ex-gf who wishes or wants to be with you if dere's any chance to...

(u seems shocked and surprised when i say "yes", these wont means that we can reconcile back.U just don't know how strong i am.. i cry doesnt mean i'm weak, dat's ur bad.. U just duno how normal ppl minds work & think... nope, nope, i think u juz duno how to handle girls....heh.. such a shame)

I'm sorry...

STARDUST
MADE IT THRU FINALS!!

yea!!
blessing in disguise ya...

See ya soon @ ZOUK!!
tix selling at 16bucks!!

get it frm me tau...

Labels: Stardust 2009

After dat 3rd April...
Something just tell me that i need to open up my lappy...

Coz since den,
i didnt wana open up my lappy, coz i didnt wana see him online, didnt take out my diary, coz i have his work schedule all da way till dec, but i just have to overcome it, and i have to do it soon...

Soon enuff,
to my amazement,
he changed his status to single to all of his accounts...
HOLY SHiT!!
wat he told me was, he will wait for me to change my status first before he changed his...

it was such a dissapointment,
how am i not felt cheated, tell me... i need an explanation, but i have no more rights, coz he's not mine anymore.. yeah not mine, gosh!! i have to get used to that...

manage to chat wif him via MSN, but it's like so political..
tot we are still friends??
but y? y are the reluctance, the barrier, i believe u've had share a lot of ur stories wif me? but y r u putting a barrier into our conversation??
if dat's how ur term "frens" is gona be, it SUCKS big time....

So yea...
i'm moving on...

coz as for now, i take it as,
'Org dah taknk, buat pe nak terhege2 kn, aku ade maruah diri, aku ade reputasi..'

i'm not being ego, but dat's how it is..

He's telling ppl that he's heartbroken, but den,he wana party, and his MSN later put, "Yeah! Single again!.."

how CONTRADICTING dat is?!!

U TELL ME....

Labels: moving on part 2

The moving on was superly sucks...

like i said, i took an urgent leave on the 3rd April (Friday), having sleepless nights, but fucked waking up early, having no appetite to eat, or to do anything...
In fact just sitting down watching tv is unbearable...

It's like i've lost not only a bf, but a shoulder to cry on, my punching bag, my clown when i'm down, my eye-candy and my guardian angel.........

It SUCKS!

every single movements and minutes, it's just about him and y? Y?? WHY???

i noe i hav to get out frm my place, coz i cant let my grandma sees me crying like an idiot every minute and every seconds rite..

So, first thing, i have to keep myself busy...

Manage to get hold of a fren(a nice one, u noe who u are, thnx beb) to accompany me for half of my day, and eventually meet up my girls later at sempang bedok...
GOSh!! Only god noes how i miss dem all....
I'm fortunate to get u gerls, i'm truly blessed...

They did tell me to hate him, but i juz cant, coz i believe our separation is not based on hatred or him playing truant on me, and i believe that he suffer da same too... and every time, i feel sad, i would think of how he's doing... etc...etc... and it hurts me more.... like y is god so cruel to me and him....

But again, like wat zoob says, god is fair, he wont test you this much if he noes that u're weak... and every bad things happens comes wif a blessings...

Yeap...

guess it's true...

accepting the fact and facing the reality is hard....
but i'm moving on thou... i'm moving on......


and he's still be in my prayers....
and i misses him bad...........

Labels: break-ups, moving on

27th/28th March 2007-1st/2nd April 2009

Like they say..........
Every good things comes to an end...


It's kinda shocking experience for me,no, it IS a VERRY SHOCKING one!!
At first i tot it was just a joke..
Hell not?! we juz had our 2yrs makan session(yea normal, nothing wow! kinda thing which i'm so use to it laa..) on the 28th March...

Let me just rewind it a bit..
Have dinner on the 28th March, had a tiff on da 29th March, 30th and 31st he's working(so not meeting, but i'm so missing him coz we usually settle our stuffs asap), and eventually on his off day 1st April, he got some family thingy (which is like super rare for him to go out wif his parents), and poof on the 2nd April, he kept rejecting my calls...

Confused rite...

So i texted him, felling worried and confused and of coz angry at the same time. Wat da hell wrong wif him...

Eventually he txt back saying, well lemme me get my hp ya......
.........................
k here how it goes,
"I'm sorry... we have to go our separate ways... We cannot be together.... This is how fate and god show me... Take care ainul... Its been a great time & i thank you for that..."

how am i not DEVASTATED!!!

dere i am longing for his calls, to mit him up, and i got this?!

at that point of time, i really went blank, my hand shivers, i duno wheather i'm wailing, crying or cursing or all at once, coz there's isnt any tears at all... Confused of coarse..

He didn't want to mit up, die2 dun want to mit up, saying that his parents didnt want us to be together...

Manage to get him to call me thou,
both of us was crying in tears, he asked me to stay strong...
don't forget him, will let me now the reason when the time comes coz he vow not to let me noe bout it, he loves me so much that he didn't want me to suffer so he have to do the separation, he's sorry coz he have to break his promises, break my heart, and he says wat i'm suffering he's suffering the same.........

At that point of time,
i believe that watever he does is for our better, my own good and his and everybody i guess... i believe that he wont do stupid things unnecessarily.. We've gone thru so much shit together and we still manage to hold on, so i believe he should have a much better reason for this separation...

I cant think straight........
i eventually txt my boss for an urgent leave the next day....
i cried the whole fucking day...
kinda felt cheated, used, hopeless, felt like wat's wrong wif me other den being fat?? and everything juz fall over you.....

So this is how a heartbreak feels...
It's really painful... SUCKS!!!
and the best part, i didnt now wat's my wrong...
and in fact he wanted to MIA, left me hanging juz like dat...
SUPER SUCKS ryt!!!
FUCKED!!

Labels: break-ups, heartbreak, relationship sucks

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