Monday blues.........
Eergh!!
today is so shitty....
Hmm, well dun u think dat sehappy maner org tu, mesti ader downs dier....
Sesungguhnyer kiter nie sume hanyalah manusia biase...
& oso, jgn lah jolok sarang tebuan kalau taknak disengat, betol tak....
I've been tolerating a lot of nonsense lately, in fact since i graduated frm sec skool....
to a certain extend now, i welcome who ever wana volunteer demself to get deir face smack by me... u're most welcome...
1st--> diz "DL" guy...
noe him for gosh since sept '06 i think..
(quite long uh.. but havent mit)well, a brief description....
he's 9mth younger den me...
k well, thou i find he's not dat gd looking, he got da height dere...
and althou he's not academically clever, he quite good at making me laugh...
(hehee)When we first got to noe each other, we chat like almost everyday online and on da fon.. but usually on da fon la... & den here again i was like on da way to cloud nine...
i mean like duh?
a guy call u everyday, ask wat u doing, dah makn bla,bla.... and da strong point is dat eveytym ask diz stupid qns "cintakah ko padaku...?"
luckily i am who i am, b firm and say "tak la...."
it do start as a joke thou, but if it is a joke, y must he keep on repeating dat irritating qns...?
of coz it makes me feel bad and kinda guilty saying no and all... but i hav to b firm wif maself.. i can't like fall for sumone whom i duno, and to make it worst frm da net.. dat is like so shallow ryt.. if it is pon, i hav to like mit him first and noe da true him personally pe, not virtually... i mean i hav ma prinsip seyk, if i'm not firm wif maself den i'm degrading maself pe. bukan ego ah beb but i learnt ma lesson well enuff...
Den bebual, "kLau u nak jadi bini i...... bla,bla,bla... " aper nie... i meant nvm... lemme finish ma story first....
So we hav been chatted like so long, even when during bulan ramadhan, he will like msg me in da middle of da nite/early morning asking how am i doing,
( coz i'm bz helping ma mom wif her krepek thingy) touching kan.... tanye bz ker, do tk cr and all...
da last one i remember was, he told me to wait for awhile
( coz i juz finish helping ma mom, so supposingly i wud go straight to bed la da pukul 3.30-4 pagi beb) coz he nid to buy food for sahur.. within mins die kol.. i was like, cptnyer... tak ke touching tuu....
( to think dat he rush to get his food before i hit da bed)...den suddenly member senyap.....
(dat is like sumwhere mid nov-still fasting mth)i noe he's been doing da kol everytym, den one day i try calling him...
and tru enuff da conversation is not like it use to b...
( dat's y i dun like calling ppl.. it so phobiatic--is dere such word in da first place..? hehe.. watever la...)den i was like ok go ah... mayb member bz ker...
den it kept quiet again...
(dat's y lah, so used to him calling and smsing me ryt... i do feel da lost la.. duh?!)den one night i was like online and saw him...
(on MSN)i change ma message option to sumthing like diz la--> "i'm so sick of ppl using me..."
suddenly dengan tak semene2, die msg me saying sorry and apologising and all....
i was like HUH?? wassup..?
den he says, " sorry pasal i make u feel as if i used u.. but i tak tau..."
i was like takde la.. maner ader....
den he says " ye la, i selalu suro u morning kol i la, suro kejot kan i la... sorry eh if menyusah kan u...."
i was like HUH??!!..
(y muz he think dat way?)i told him it's ok... but i think he still think dat i think he take me for granted...
den i ask him la wat our relationship..??
coz i think, we almost getting dere...
den member senyap.... i was like wassup wif him seyk....
den after a few nudge and all, he rply.. "kawan..."
tak ker remuk ati aku....
sial ah... den wat's wif all da late nite kols..? da morning kols..? da evening kols..? da afternn kols..??
i was
BLANK...total
BLANKNESS.....den i go wif da flow la, takkan aku nak terhegge2 pat die kan... i dun nid a pengecot guy...
aku dah tanye, bagi die chance to say it out pe, den die ckp itu mcm.. i hav ma self respect here sak....
seriously, i missed calling him, giving him miss calls and all dat stupid shit ah....
Com'on la, i'm not sick of doing it seyk, at least i feel i'm wanted..
(wanted or wat... like apreciated uh gituk)padahal itu tym aku ngah bingit ngan SAM siak!!and u guessed it ryt, since den, less and lesser calls.....
Wat da f*ck...
guezz i do hav feelings for him, if not takkan aku jadi biol gini rabak sak...
den later after dat which is ending dec or early jan...
he told me, he wif diz gerl frm da net, when asked had met her or not he told me not yet...
isnt dat ridiculous,
online dating..?he told me tu gerl yg nak pat die.. she ask him wat his relationship wif her...
mcm penah dengar kan....
But for her, she was like so flabbergasted uh....
marah2 and all.. sape tak bingit oi...
(and u noe wat he noes her like four mth ago.. dat's like da period when he kept quiet kan.. sumwhere dere ah... think dat's da reason y he feels bad when i put up da MSN msg thingy, ala dat---> "i'm so sick of ppl using me..." well he shud feel very bad..!! Hmph!!)mcm same script different cast gituk kan...Sha we shud sing diz song together, and den i will make a dedication especially for him...den last two weeks he called me...
but now everytym he kol i shoot him la, like where's ur gerlfren, tak kol die ker and things like dat...
and to ma amazement, die ckp, sape nak matair dgn die
(dat gerl) dah irritating, gemok plak tu....
i was like...
HEy! HELLO.... aku pon gemok gak tau...
den he was like, u lain....
(watever la ehk... tu ah saper suro make decision hastily... skaLi dah jumpe tak serasi... kan..kan..kan...)den i was like, i tot u ngan die dah an item pe...
(coz he did update me bout diz gerl and all... dere's once he try to bangga2 kn so called "matair" die ni la, ckp die pon nyanyi nyer org.. den aku tanyela die masok aper comp... den die ckp tak la, die frequently go karaoke... DUH!! i'm not trying to b bitchy here, so wat if she goes karaoke ari2, meh sini ah challenge high note same aku.. wat da fuck!)den die ckp, no la, die
(dat gurl) cam tak je gituk...
(so kirekan he try to twist it ard ah, saying dat, he want her, but she like keep running away frm him kinda thing... pape la ehk)den...den... after dat...
i got to noe sum of his gerlfrenz....
to make it short, most of dem says he's nice and all etc..etc...
(coz he sumtyms like to group chat.. and dat's how actually i got to noe "dat gerl" of him osos... to ma surprise dat gerl block me pat MSN... sial ah kirekan aku dah kene chop minah menyebok ah nie... guezz she damn me sak... i dun put da fault on her... kLau aku pon aku pon curiga sak..)den juz now, die bingit ngan aku, ckp aku skrng dah lain, asek nak marah2 die jek....
(ntah la ehk, member tengah strezz kot... coz member die ngah gadoh ngan diz gerl online, den add aku in da chat... i was like, wat da hell... aku jadi mcm makcik kaypo gituk kan...)den later, when i ask wat actually happen, die ckp yg kwn die tu ngan cintan-cinton ngan diz gerl, den dorng gadoh ah... den aku main2 ah ckp u guys mmg gitu pe... den he was like, " u ingat i playboy ker..."(
mmbr den cam peng gitu ah...)well here's da ans, playboy tu tak la... but sumwhere dere....
u suke2 panggil org darling la, tok so very da nice wif gerls la, step i-u, i-u... den skaLi pompan dah sangkot, u ckp, we frenz jek pe....
if dey, well WE, r ur frenz bebual step kau-aku jek la.. tak payah nak step polite pe.. it's irritating..
well usually he can take all ma so-call insults
(well, joking2 pe) ntah apasal nari lain jek...
well kLau dorng tuu sume lain
(coz i said la u all sume same kan), asal reaction pompan2 tu sume same, abeh tu suro aku tlg tenangkan da situation.. Duh?! aku ni saper nak tlg2 settlekan keadaan.... Wat da hell...
seriously ehk, kLau mmg die
("DL") lain
( included tak pengecot, gentleman & not just a bloody sweet talker, tak kedekot and tak mintak2 duit pompan) for once, aku rela jilat balek aper yg aku ludah la ehk....Shit, why diz tears welling up again....
- eyEzZy Nu ~ 11:41 PM.
