The EN of ME

Saturday, February 3, 2007

Well, well, well.....
juz chatted wif diz guy.. (yeah u guessed it ryt gerls, frm AM)...
known him for qiuet sumtym noe.. (bout 4-6month i think.. geesh.. dat's long hehee, but standard ah aku, bLom mit lagi....)
k well, if sum of u noe, i'm toking bout diz guy who had his own studio and all.. ( he's 29, but still hot i think.. hahaa!!) Juz put him as 'DB'...
Well, to make long story short, i juz got to know juz now dat he has a gerlfren.... a gerlfren!! i mean a STEADY GERLFREN!!!
Well, wat can i say den feel happy for him....
to think again, no wonder we still contacting each other despite of i havent met him even thou we had known for so long virtually....
kLau yg lain jgn harap nak tunggu lamer2....
Ween aku tau aper ko pikir if u were reading diz....
yea, very true, aku mati2 ingat die tunggu aku nie lamer...
hAhAaa!!
perasaaaaan sak nul...
i mean, standard per kLAu members pat net, susah nak carik yg stakat nak jadi members pe, usually dey desperately looking for relationship or cheap, ala u noe i noe la...
But for me, i dun think we had chatted like chatted ah... i mean, he's quite secretive and too polite la, so nak chat on certain things like kinda difficult, think dat's y i juz noe bout da gerlfren thingy, if only i had asked him earlier, takde la aku perasan berok camni kan... He's a nice guy la, so aku cam jadi biol jap skrng nie...

den he asked bout me plak...
And he's very da surprised dat i'm single...
he was like, "Jamz mcm gini takde...? susah nak caye...?"
(hehe paiseh sak aku, die mmg panggil aku jamz-jambu ah kirekan, tahan muntah korng ehk... aku tau, aku pon tengah tahan nafas nie pasal seluar aku dah ketat sangat... hAhAa!!)

Wif a sudden, tears well-up in ma eyes....
i was like, jambu or wat....
if i am la, y i dun hav a single ex yet..?
or mayb blom ader guyz yg brani enuff to approach me or to play ma kinda games?
(well guyz, i'm not an easy type for ur info..)
watever la.... it really bothers me a bit....
and if dat wat attracted da opposite sex i dun really mind, but i juz despised dose boys/guys/men who actually attracted to "jambu" gerls juz bcoz of lust...

Jambu uh...

Still i dun c maself as jambu yet....
well, ppl neva get satisfied ryt...

i duno...
izit sumthing wrong wif me, or dem.....
Or mayb, i'm juz sumthing nice to see but not yet to own...

watever........

- eyEzZy Nu ~ 2:47 AM.

Friday, February 2, 2007

I'm so missing a lot of things lately....
Other den, da laughters of ma gerlfrenz, da fun dat we hav wif ma pri skool peepz (i'm so missing u eis... hAhAhaa!!), iTE cliques-all of dem, i mean all, frm Stardom, imah, da dance ppl, da performances dat i missed doing & got to noe peepz frm dere too... and all dose ppl which i had came across... not forgetting Palin acquantaince..
ALL....

If i noe ma life is gona b diz way....

Well...
if only i can turn back time, b more stubborn, run away frm home, b wat i wana b, rather den such an idiotic filial daughter which i so feel not being appreciated at all.....
At least if i dun hav an education, i shud have achieved wat i wanted now.....
Be wat i wana b.... B sumbody... being appreciated, at least by others....

I duno y,
i think i been missing and missed a lots of things in life...
And it's already 1st Feb...
i think i shud start keeping records of wat i had achieve or done per monthly thingy...

Missing sumone..??
Practically,dat sumone uh... who siah..?
well, to think again, if dey dun, y muz i ryt...
(SHIT.. i hate it if diz happens, me and ma self-denial, DEGiLZz)

well, as dose who noes me (really noes me)..
i dun really call ppl...
dat is like one of ma phobia...
it's a long story.... to make it short... i dun really call ppl since i'm small and i usually hav diz fear dat, da ppl i call mite b bz, or mite think i'm b irritate dem, or mite think dat "well she will usually calls when she nid our help" dat kinda thing... to summarize it i scared being rejected or feel as if i was... Yeah i admit i scared being rejected... Coz i think i hav ma self-pride here to taken care of.. (well ma alter ego la) watever...
& if i "manage" to call dat sumone (well juz take dat as a stranger, well he/dey is/are stranger/s ryt..? to think dat i dun really noe dem..) I feel like i really did it, putting aside ma ego, ma fear all aside, and juz face wat shall happen...
but sume juz duno....
So here, i missed dose ppl calling me.. dose "Strangers"...

*sigh...

- eyEzZy Nu ~ 7:23 AM.

Well,
finished skool, nothing to do... Slacking all day...
Nagging all da time....

Life damn bored....
No skool...
No job...
No money...
No boyfren...
well, lucky dere's ma frenz and iLa ard.... (thnk god)

I feel so incomplete.....

Wat da hell i want...

Hhmph....

- eyEzZy Nu ~ 6:53 AM.